A very bright February

I wish all February’s could be this bright and warm. Part of me was dreading coming back to Springfield in January because of the gross weather. I had this picture in my mind of me sitting in my dorm room, looking out at the gray clouds from window, and wondering why I ever left Europe. Now, I have to admit I had a few of those moments. But overall, the Lord knew I couldn’t handle the yucky weather on top of a huge transition. So thankfully, we have had one of the warmest winters on record.

            The transition from “there” to “here” has gone better at times than I thought it would, and other times...it has gone worse than I thought it would. One thing that has “sprung” up in my life in the past few weeks is my habit of losing things.

            I have lost my phone (for brief seconds) three times in the past two months, my keys once, a couple of sweaters, my watch twice, and probably a few more things I’m forgetting I’ve even lost. Which just explains the situation even more. I will “lose” these things, then find them in a panic about 20 minutes later. And all of a sudden I feel like I won the lottery and am so thankful for the thing I just lost that I swear I will never let it go again. Until I lose it again the next week. How crazy is the rush of relief you feel when you find one of these treasures possessions? It’s like… “phew, the whole world is now ok since I have my …you fill in the blank”. Side note: How must God feel…we are said to be His most precious possessions, his greatest treasures…and I feel like he loses us all the time. Lately he has lost me to my grades, relationships, busyness, my phone (sadly) and more. He loses me daily when I put my trust in so much besides Him. How excited, relieved, comforted must he feel when he gets to hold one of His most treasured possessions again, even if it’s just a short time before the stupid thing walks off again thinking that it has everything together…ok a stretch, but still.

 I have forgotten my watch in the gym, gone to sleep that night and woken up at 6AM in a panic realizing that it’s gone… Ran down to the gym and found out that some angel of a human turned it in for the idiot that left it in by her treadmill. I have left my phone at a basketball game where I was sitting, gone to my room…realized I didn’t have it, retraced my steps back over the entire day. Which included going to the cafeteria, crying, begging some poor lunch lady to let me use her phone to call my own, and then running  back to the gym and seeing my faithful friend Alyssa holding my phone and smiling.

I have had some hilarious irrational thoughts during my “lost” moments. Which include , “Well ill just sell my clothes and buy a brand new iPhone and won’t tell mom and dad”. “How much money do they give you for plasma?” “It’s fine I don’t need keys to drive that car anyway, I’ll save some gas money”. “Maybe I can talk my parents into another iPhone two months after they gave me a brand new one..??” (that one I always ended up laughing after)…that usually followed with, Ok I don’t really need to go home again..its not like they’ll ever know the difference.

How in the world did this girl travel overseas, keep her passport, her money and her ID at all times? After doing some long inner dialogues about “getting it together”, I’ve realized part of the problem. Overseas, I didn’t have the option to lose everything I am now losing. I NEEDED to operate independently; I needed to function on my own. I remember always checking for my passport, money, phone (until it got stolen lol), everywhere I went. I was very aware of my surroundings and conscious of the things important to me. When you get comfortable, that’s when things…like a stolen iPhone, a lost watch, another lost iPhone..happen.

Another hard part of being back in the states is having my parents “close”. They are still three hours away, but compared to an ocean away, they are in my backyard. So when Bailey can’t figure out her  router for the internet in her new dorm room…of course that means she can call Dad, cry and not understand why he can’t come fix it. Or call Mom during the down points of the day every couple of hours…just because. Or feel a lack of purpose. Because of the monotony.

            After having a come to Jesus moment with my mom, that I wasn’t really thankful for at the time, I have realized just how COMFORTABLE I have gotten. Comfortable, complacent, bored. You know those cute baby sloths that you see on YouTube..that’s kind of how I saw myself…Well Bailey, you’re not traveling to Spain this weekend, so why don’t just be complacent, worry about your future, and be sad your home. Thankfully, through my mom’s talk and a few encouraging words from friends...over the last month I have been able to “snap back” into it. I have a PURPOSE here. And I am beginning to realize it. I have new friends to get close to, precious baby girls to lead in K-life, and a wonderful growing relationship with an awesome man.

A few weeks ago, me and a couple of friends decided to start a Bible study on campus one night a week, to help us be more accountable with each other, to lift each other up, and to learn more about our Father together. How much this group has blessed me I cannot tell you. It’s so neat to see the Lord bring together people at a certain time for a certain reason….so we can help each other and ultimately glorify Him with our lives. I was shocked to see the level of vulnerability girls had with each other from night one. I know this will help our friendships, our walk with the Lord and so much more.

So things I have learned this month.

1.      You are allowed to be independent and grow in that way in America. Not just in Europe where you can’t read the signs.

2.      My roommate Alyssa is one of the greatest people I know. She has made our room a wonderful place to come home to...she helps me find my purpose with the Lord each day.

3.      Classes are harder in America.

4.      On the weekends, it is ok to sit and do nothing with friends. Just because you are not traveling doesn’t mean you aren’t being productive. Good relationships are evidence of productivity.

5.      I love my car. Don’t ever let me leave her again.

6.      I miss speaking French and am really thankful for my French classes here on campus…I love that language with a new vibrancy.

7.      You can have a long distance relationship overseas. It absolutely sucks at times, but its SO worth it.

8.      And it is completely ok to make a countdown until you see that person starting over two months before they come. Because now we are at 3 days! (Rudolf comes Friday!)

9.      Counseling is good for the soul, still. Hallelujah for professional advice and people you can be completely honest with.

10.  I actually do have friends on campus…the Lord provides. Always. Even when your desperately afraid about something.

Anyway, that’s enough for now. Rudolf comes in three days and we are headed out on a full scale American Roadtrip, rodeos, burger joints, and blues concerts included. Should be pretty fun.

Remember that you are His valued possession today, and that He is always searching for you! And desires so much to hold you, take care of you, and not leave you by the treadmill again J

Love you all!

To Infinity and beyond!

            To infinity and beyond..

           

            So I’ve decided to keep this blog going. Yes I know that the website says Bailey in Belgium..and the title is Brussels and Beyond…but hey, this is the beyond section I guess. My blog helped me think about things that were happening in my life every single day..it made me realize what I really did want to share with people, and it helped me apply the things that were happening to me in a “big picture sense”. So, if you don’t mind…I may continue to do this for a little while. Don't feel obligated to read these, just still writing them for myself to remind myself to keep growing and learning..adn to look back on someday...  I can’t promise these entries will be near as frequent, and I can absolutely promise that I won’t be going to Venice or London or Barcelona, and I will try to keep the jumping out of windows to a minimum…but here’s a little bit more about what’s going on in “Bailey’s world”…which is a scary statement by itself.

            Last week, I found out that one of my friends at Evangel University, that graduated last May, was killed in Afghanistan. This man was named David Johnson, and he was an ROTC student here at school, so when he graduated he was commissioned as an officer in the army. David was also in the social science department a lot (where I work) because he was a government major. He always came by the department to check on things, he made a point to get to know me and ask how I was doing everytime he stopped by. One of the professors here, in reminiscing about his wonderful life here at school, said that David was one of the few people that he had never heard one bad word about. And that I will agree with. He was a student leader on campus, helping with everything from intramurals, student ministries, and overseas missions trips. He was constantly giving of himself and had a passion for serving the Lord with all he had.

            I was shocked to hear of his death. I was sitting in my room when I got the email from our Dean of Students Dr. David Bundrick; immediately my roommate and I (Alyssa) held hands and prayed for his family, not really knowing what else to do. I suddenly realized that his younger brother was still on campus, Michael Johnson. I didn’t know him very well, but I remembering sitting with him at dinner randomly a few nights ago, where he was very kind and wanted to get to know the name of everyone at our table.

            The next morning I knew would be a hard one, we had class (which was taught by one of the social sciences professors who was thoroughly distraught by the news), and then chapel…where we were told TAPS would be played and prayer time would be had. I thought I was doing fine and could handle the service just fine…but the second TAPS started I lost it. I sobbed loudly as the ROTC students in uniform marched orderly to present arms and salute our beloved soldier who now is watching over us. I watched tears slip down one of their faces and heard loud sobs coming from most of the audience. I had never seen so many faculty in a chapel service with us. This kid had affected so many. So many teachers from so many departments, so many administrators from different areas of the school showed up to pay their respects.

            After taps we had a time where people could come for prayer or just pray at their seats for comfort, healing, help, etc. Many of the faculty came to the front of the chapel, lined the alter and offered themselves to anyone who was grieving. What blessed/and broke me so much was seeing these members of my faculty break down with each other. Many of my favorite teachers here at EU were close to David, and needed prayer themselves that morning to make sense of it all. It was so heart wrenching but comforting to see these people that I hold on such a high pedestal to come forward and openly ask the Lord for help and seek his guidance.

            I watched strong boys from Krause hall, Scott hall and Lewis hall who had known David or Michael, weep with sadness.

            That moment was one of those that you realize that only the Lord can get you through. I still can’t make sense of David’s death. I don’t why he died only one month after leaving the states; I don’t know why even after all the prayers that were lifted up for David while he was gone that he stepped on that IED. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I don’t know my dad got sick with cancer three years ago. I don’t know why bad people prosper in the world. Shoot I don’t even know why good people prosper in the world, because we are all sinners at the heart of it.

            But I think that’s the point. I don’t know. And if I truly did know why everything has happened…I wouldn’t be so quick to fall on my knees and seek the guidance of my heavenly father who actually can make sense of this chaos.

            I don’t know why these things happen. But for one thing, I know for a fact that if some of the “bad” things in my life didn’t happen, I would have never known the true power, grace and brute strength of our Lord Jesus Christ. Who has taught me what cancer can do to a family, has taught me what rebellion can do to a life, and who has taught me how mistakes can turn into testimonies. All through the grace of Jesus Christ, who for the joy set before him ENDURED the cross scorning its shame…and sat down at the right hand of God.  I know I don’t get everything…but I am sure glad that I serve  a God who does, and who doesn’t fit in my finite minds view of Him. Remember that He’s standing right beside you today, admist the storm, admist the death, pain, hurt, confusion…He’s got a bigger picture that will ALWAYS be worth it. 


Heres a good clip from a local newstation about that chapel that happened the day after David's death at Evangel... http://www.ky3.com/videogallery/67662861/News/Video:-Soldier's-brother-attends-Evangel-University-now