Lost

Well I got lost last night.

 

And lost not meaning I couldn't find out which entrance of the mall I parked my car at.

 

(Because you know Penny Bollinger and I have gotten so lost in the mall parking lot before that we had tears coming down our cheeks.....I am pretty sure we have both gotten INSIDE of someone elses car before in that parking lot thinking it was our own lol )

Lost meaning I was in a rough area of Brussels, where everything was written in Arabic, where I was the only woman without a head scarf on.

 

I love to pride myself on being able to get myself from point a to point b in a foreign country successfully. When I am in America, I am much more likely to freak out, pick up my phone, ask my mom or dad where the heck I am and deal with my situation that way.

Well, when you are abroad in a foreign country, that is not really an option. While living in Brussels during my study abroad semester, I soon learned and ended up loving my little quests and adventures to figure out how to get somewhere or how to do a certain thing.

 I depended on just me and Jesus.

 

I would quote scripture verses if I got a bit scared, or I would sing hymns out loud ( Jesus Jesus how I trust thee is one of my favourites).

 

But no matter what, I have always been able to make it home.

 

Even this past week when I had to get back to Brussels after visiting my sweet friend Jess (who it was so wonderful to see and worth every minute of the traveling fiasco! It is so neat and comforting to see a good friend when you haven't seen anyone you really know in so long) in Frankfurt for the night, I felt like I had to move mountains to get back home in the random snow blizzard that hit early that morning.

  My original train got cancelled due to the snow, and I was basically told to "wing it" from some of the train officials. Which is not the greatest thing to tell someone who has a folder for everything and a planner so detailed it tells me when to eat and shower.

 I ended up pissing off two train managers and following one around until she called another train for me, asking them to wait for me (but they didn't unfortunately...I wonder why not??? I was such a calm and easy customer to deal with!). I also ended up taking a few tiny little mini trains and a tram through random cities in Germany and Belgium.

 Each time I would reach a new destination on the way home from Frankfurt, I would shout the name of the city to the other passengers to make sure I was getting off at the right stop. I would say "Ummmm Cologne??" (quite loudly so everyone could hear me) And a few times "Nien/Nay/Non" was shouted back to me by the entire train car to keep me from getting off in the middle of some random farm town in the German countryside.

 People may make fun of me for being loud and a bit fiesty sometimes (mini-Penny), but if I would have gone with just my directional instincts during this trip, I would probably still be out in German farm country right now.  

 Anyway, four hours late, after standing out in the 20 degree weather for a few hours at random train stations, I finally arrived back at work, somehow energized and somewhat proud of myself for what I had just done.

Unfortunately, last night was a bit different.

 I was so excited to have another girl's night at my friend Laurel's house. I have gotten to know some of the greatest girls through the church that Rudolf and I go to here called Holy Trinity. We have had a few nights with just us girls, which means lots of laughing, eating and talking.

 

God has shown me such provision in this area of my life. I was so worried when moving here that I wasn't going to have any good girlfriends here. It has actually been quite the opposite. I have met some amazing girls and our group seems to grow each time we see each other (either at church, small group, a girls' night, or random lunches).

 

I spend a lot of time at work, and a lot of (wonderful, much needed and wanted) time with Rudolf here in Belgium, but it is a lot harder to spend time with these girlfriends because we all live and work in separate places.  I cherish time to get to know them better, have a bible study and just hang out.

 So I was super excited about last night.

 

My friend Laurel lives just on the edge of a rougher part of town called Molenbeek. To me, I had never been there or seen it or anything, so I didn't think there would be any issues with me going over there by myself at night. I had my MapQuest directions all printed out, with each step precisely oriented to where I was supposed to go.

 

I got to the metro, walked out and realized that there were about eight streets going all different ways, all with names I didn't recognize and weren't on my list of directions. So, I picked a street, started walking up it and figured I would run into the correct street somehow.

 

I walked probably a quarter of a mile and started to realize all of the signs for shops were in Arabic. and that I hadn't seen another woman in quite a while.

 

I am a big girl. I can do this.

You live here Bailey Jo, you are going to be just fine.

I walk a bit further. Ask a shop owner directions. He doesn't have any idea where I should go.

I walk even further. Get honked at a few times, take my folded up directions out with shaky, cold hands and press forward.

 

Walk another half mile or so. Get asked if I want to smoke pot by some scary looking man as I am staring up at street signs. And all of a sudden, I was done.

 

It has been about half an hour of me wandering the streets, all of the shops in the street have closed, and I still hadn't seen an inkling of where I am supposed to go.

 

Why at this point in the story didn't I just say a quick prayer, start singing my hymns really loudly and trust that the Lord would get me there?

 

I am not sure. I so wish I could use this as some super cool anointed story to show how when you cry out when your feeling scared, He hears you and shows you right where you are supposed to go.

 

But I think God doesn't always work like that.

 

Sometimes he works through a cell phone that reaches my fiancée and allows him to come pick me up. Sometimes God works through that same cell phone being able to call my big strong daddy back in America to have him pray with me while I wait for Rudolf to get there. Sometimes God works through the easily identifiable Metro sign that I found that would help Rudolf know where to find me. And sometimes, God works through the light coming out of a little Arab shopping market that allowed me to feel safe and aware of my surroundings on a night where I really did feel foreign.

Looking back, I am so thankful for God's provision for me in those ways. No, the Lord did not come out in a blaring light and highlight the perfect route for me. But he did, allow me to push myself as far as I could and then immediately provided for me when I asked for help.

I think it is good to feel fear. I don't like it, but I know somewhere in me that a level of fear is good. It alerts you to your surroundings, pushes you a bit further than you thought was possible, and allows the ones who love you to show their support for you in a time of need.

I am not Bailey "Super World Traveling" Bollinger, as I assumed I was before last night. I am Bailey, a human that can't fix everything just the way she wants it´- a human- so dependent on the Lord Jesus and what/who he provides for me- and I am still my daddy's little  girl who realizes its ok in crazy moments to make a 20 dollar phone call across the ocean.

 

If I haven't encouraged you before... start making a list of things you are thankful for. Every single day.

I am reading a book called 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp (shameless plug because I love it!!) and it's all about allowing yourself to see the joy of EVERY moment with the Lord throughout life....and it all ties back to being able to give thanks and see Him in all kinds of moments. Ann challenges the reader to have 1000 gifts named by the end of the year....basically it comes down to about 90 a month...and about 3 a day.

 

So today I am thankful for:

                                                    278. My iPhone that can still make phone calls in Emergencies

                                                     279.  My fiancée who was so quick to come rescue me

                                                      280. The Dr. Pepper I let myself have (despite me swearing off sodas for the past two weeks) last night as a treat for being alive and well.

                                                 280.  The brightly lit metro stop sign I found so I could tell R where to go

                                                 281. My Daddy who immediately started praying with me.

                                                   282. The light from the supermarket that made me feel safe.

                                                   283.  Some great girls that totally understand my directional challenges

                                                 284. The possibility of laughing at this experience some day.

 

In the craziness of last night, I couldn't see these things so clearly. But looking back, I see the great big hand of Yahweh stretching out over me.

 

I pray in all kinds of moments, that you can see that too.

Bailey