A very bright February

I wish all February’s could be this bright and warm. Part of me was dreading coming back to Springfield in January because of the gross weather. I had this picture in my mind of me sitting in my dorm room, looking out at the gray clouds from window, and wondering why I ever left Europe. Now, I have to admit I had a few of those moments. But overall, the Lord knew I couldn’t handle the yucky weather on top of a huge transition. So thankfully, we have had one of the warmest winters on record.

            The transition from “there” to “here” has gone better at times than I thought it would, and other times...it has gone worse than I thought it would. One thing that has “sprung” up in my life in the past few weeks is my habit of losing things.

            I have lost my phone (for brief seconds) three times in the past two months, my keys once, a couple of sweaters, my watch twice, and probably a few more things I’m forgetting I’ve even lost. Which just explains the situation even more. I will “lose” these things, then find them in a panic about 20 minutes later. And all of a sudden I feel like I won the lottery and am so thankful for the thing I just lost that I swear I will never let it go again. Until I lose it again the next week. How crazy is the rush of relief you feel when you find one of these treasures possessions? It’s like… “phew, the whole world is now ok since I have my …you fill in the blank”. Side note: How must God feel…we are said to be His most precious possessions, his greatest treasures…and I feel like he loses us all the time. Lately he has lost me to my grades, relationships, busyness, my phone (sadly) and more. He loses me daily when I put my trust in so much besides Him. How excited, relieved, comforted must he feel when he gets to hold one of His most treasured possessions again, even if it’s just a short time before the stupid thing walks off again thinking that it has everything together…ok a stretch, but still.

 I have forgotten my watch in the gym, gone to sleep that night and woken up at 6AM in a panic realizing that it’s gone… Ran down to the gym and found out that some angel of a human turned it in for the idiot that left it in by her treadmill. I have left my phone at a basketball game where I was sitting, gone to my room…realized I didn’t have it, retraced my steps back over the entire day. Which included going to the cafeteria, crying, begging some poor lunch lady to let me use her phone to call my own, and then running  back to the gym and seeing my faithful friend Alyssa holding my phone and smiling.

I have had some hilarious irrational thoughts during my “lost” moments. Which include , “Well ill just sell my clothes and buy a brand new iPhone and won’t tell mom and dad”. “How much money do they give you for plasma?” “It’s fine I don’t need keys to drive that car anyway, I’ll save some gas money”. “Maybe I can talk my parents into another iPhone two months after they gave me a brand new one..??” (that one I always ended up laughing after)…that usually followed with, Ok I don’t really need to go home again..its not like they’ll ever know the difference.

How in the world did this girl travel overseas, keep her passport, her money and her ID at all times? After doing some long inner dialogues about “getting it together”, I’ve realized part of the problem. Overseas, I didn’t have the option to lose everything I am now losing. I NEEDED to operate independently; I needed to function on my own. I remember always checking for my passport, money, phone (until it got stolen lol), everywhere I went. I was very aware of my surroundings and conscious of the things important to me. When you get comfortable, that’s when things…like a stolen iPhone, a lost watch, another lost iPhone..happen.

Another hard part of being back in the states is having my parents “close”. They are still three hours away, but compared to an ocean away, they are in my backyard. So when Bailey can’t figure out her  router for the internet in her new dorm room…of course that means she can call Dad, cry and not understand why he can’t come fix it. Or call Mom during the down points of the day every couple of hours…just because. Or feel a lack of purpose. Because of the monotony.

            After having a come to Jesus moment with my mom, that I wasn’t really thankful for at the time, I have realized just how COMFORTABLE I have gotten. Comfortable, complacent, bored. You know those cute baby sloths that you see on YouTube..that’s kind of how I saw myself…Well Bailey, you’re not traveling to Spain this weekend, so why don’t just be complacent, worry about your future, and be sad your home. Thankfully, through my mom’s talk and a few encouraging words from friends...over the last month I have been able to “snap back” into it. I have a PURPOSE here. And I am beginning to realize it. I have new friends to get close to, precious baby girls to lead in K-life, and a wonderful growing relationship with an awesome man.

A few weeks ago, me and a couple of friends decided to start a Bible study on campus one night a week, to help us be more accountable with each other, to lift each other up, and to learn more about our Father together. How much this group has blessed me I cannot tell you. It’s so neat to see the Lord bring together people at a certain time for a certain reason….so we can help each other and ultimately glorify Him with our lives. I was shocked to see the level of vulnerability girls had with each other from night one. I know this will help our friendships, our walk with the Lord and so much more.

So things I have learned this month.

1.      You are allowed to be independent and grow in that way in America. Not just in Europe where you can’t read the signs.

2.      My roommate Alyssa is one of the greatest people I know. She has made our room a wonderful place to come home to...she helps me find my purpose with the Lord each day.

3.      Classes are harder in America.

4.      On the weekends, it is ok to sit and do nothing with friends. Just because you are not traveling doesn’t mean you aren’t being productive. Good relationships are evidence of productivity.

5.      I love my car. Don’t ever let me leave her again.

6.      I miss speaking French and am really thankful for my French classes here on campus…I love that language with a new vibrancy.

7.      You can have a long distance relationship overseas. It absolutely sucks at times, but its SO worth it.

8.      And it is completely ok to make a countdown until you see that person starting over two months before they come. Because now we are at 3 days! (Rudolf comes Friday!)

9.      Counseling is good for the soul, still. Hallelujah for professional advice and people you can be completely honest with.

10.  I actually do have friends on campus…the Lord provides. Always. Even when your desperately afraid about something.

Anyway, that’s enough for now. Rudolf comes in three days and we are headed out on a full scale American Roadtrip, rodeos, burger joints, and blues concerts included. Should be pretty fun.

Remember that you are His valued possession today, and that He is always searching for you! And desires so much to hold you, take care of you, and not leave you by the treadmill again J

Love you all!